I have been a DM for a few years now and I’d like to think that I have a very fair understanding of the rules of D&D. There are always small debates over rules or how a spell works but at least at my table, I have the ultimate decision. 

I’ve learned that we all have a much better time playing by, what the community calls, the rule of cool. We’ve had many times where someone wants to use a spell or item in a way that is unconventional but makes sense. This is where I say screw the rules, I wanna see how this plays out.

One example that will live in my heart forever will be Masha the cow. (Now before I get into this story, just know it was one of my first sessions DMing and I had no clue what I was actually doing.)

One fine morning when the dew was still dewing, our heroes were passing by a village known for its vast fields that bear enough wheat to feed the kingdom whose name is long forgotten. While they were strolling by, talking about who knows what, they heard shouting coming from inside the newly awakened village. Of course, with them being village heroes, they couldn’t avoid the call of danger. 

With investigating, they found out there were some recent murders that happened out in the fields. Do I even have to tell you guys that the village heroes accepted the pleads of the villagers to help solve the case? Within 15 minutes of meeting the village folk, they were off to fight a fight that really wasn’t even their main objective and they just got way too into a side quest that I had to think of because someone rolled a nat 20 to find a village to save (yes my face looked exactly like what you’re picturing right now. Annoyance and creativity all brewed in one). Anyway, this fight was way more than they anticipated. Instead of catching one murderous murderer, they were having to murder murderous crows, murderous scarecrows and even a murderous ogre which were all led by a *drumroll please* murderous hag. (yes there was lots of murdering, I was trying to make at least one player roll me some death saving throws).

The heroes fought their way through the hag’s ranks, uncovering more and more clues about who she was. While the heroes were in the home stretch, the hag had infiltrated the village and captured one of the hero’s friends who was aiding them in their investigation. It was plan time and the heroes needed to act fast…

The details going beyond that are a bit fuzzy to exact detail, with all the shouting of different ideas and discussion, but when I tell you I will never forget the final plan they did come up with I mean it. My players at the time were fairly low level so they did not have access to spells like polymorph or any of the such and like I mentioned before it was the first few sessions so they didn’t have much in the way of magical equipment. They did have one thing though…disguise self.

I’m sure you’re thinking it makes sense, they disguised themselves and snuck in as someone they didn’t know and saved their friend, right? Ha, you really think it would be that boring? Of course not. This is D&D after all.  My player, with disguise self, asks if he could use it to make suits like the ones in old cartoons that have two people inside a cow costume and me being curious on where this was going said yes. Regardless of what actual disguise self says it does, this ultimately was a disguise and I had to give it to him for creativity.

It gets even better! My newly disguised cow then wanted to do mirror image in order to create an illusion of four of these cow disguises popping in and out of each other. I had let it get this far so I had to see how this played out, it was only fair to him (and to me because holy shit, what is happening). Another player then chimes in with “I could come in after you acting like you ran away from my farm.” The others chime in with “We could try to find another way in while you have her distracted.” They all agree on the plan of attack and now, here come the rolls. 

We all should know by now that in Dungeons & Dragons the crazier the plans, the better the rolls. The disguise comes out fairly decent and they walk into the building unopposed and immediately see the hag waiting. They take a few steps into the door, look the hag in the eyes, and just moo. That’s it. They moo… just one long drawn out moo…

I roll to see if the hag can see through this weird disguise of four cows popping in and out of each other, nat 1. (Are you fucking kidding me? I plan a murderous murder spree and I can’t tell when there’s a fake cow illusion mooing right in my face?!) Meanwhile the other player is gathering anything in the area to make him look like a farmer and of course he finds stuff rather easy, in this farming village, and begins yelling “Masha, Masha, where are you Masha?” and enters the building. Surely the hag will see through this disguise, she knows what the party looks like and knows they are coming, another low roll by the hag.

Very confused, she questions who he was, which eventually escalates into her getting mad and telling them to leave unless they want to be harmed. 

Meanwhile, the others are sneaking in and at this point, I’m sure they’re going to screw something up and put an end to this ridiculous plan. You guessed it, more great rolls from them and bad ones from me. Their extraction mission is ultimately a success. They manage to save their friend and slay the hag with little to no effort with the great rolls they had.

All together it was a fun and hilarious moment for everyone at the table, even if it wasn’t by the book rules. The rules are there as a guideline to help you construct your world and have a great time with each other. In the end it’s just a game, one based upon creativity, so have fun and enjoy it. Let your players run wild, let creativity reign, and screw those rules *Huzzah*